For all the dads not living with their children

For all the dads out there and with credit to author William C. Klatt (live away dads)
And please remember that being a father is not something you are. It is something you do.

A pledge to myself

I will lose a battle to win a “war”
I will focus my efforts inward towards what I can control. Myself
I will look at my behavior more and at others less
I will learn when to push and when to let go
I will remind myself I am in this for the long term
I will not allow my children to hear me speak ill of anyone
I will encourage my children to maintain healthy relationships with all their family members
I will rise above any and all negativity and treat my children’s mother with respect
I will provide for my children and view support payments as one way to do so
I will put my children’s needs ahead of my own
I will understand that it is not “my” time but my children’s time
I am not a victim
I will learn how to express anger and thrive on the energy from the growth beyond it
I will learn how to be comfortable in talking about myself
I will respect the needs and importance of all people
I will tell the stories of my past while embracing the opportunity to rewrite my future

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Most child support debt is owed by parents who cannot pay

The following excerpts are from Vicki Turetsky, Federal Commissioner, Office of Child Support Enforcement:

“Most child support debt is owed by parents who do not have sufficient income to fully pay their child support orders. Most debt is held by parents with less than $10,000 in reported income. An Urban Institute study of California child support arrears found that:

  • 80 percent of unpaid child support debt is owed by parents with less than $15,000 net income.
  • Over half of the arrears are owed by debtors with less than $10,000 income but more than $20,000 in debt.
  • Only 1 percent of child support debtors have net incomes over $50,000.
  • 70 percent of the arrears are owed to the government—to repay welfare costs—rather than to families.
  • 27 percent of the debt is unpaid interest.

Conclusion: The actual choice facing policymakers is between chasing after nonexistent or sporadic payments now and developing the potential for steady support over the long haul.”

Source: pages 3 and 4 of “Staying in Jobs and Out of the Underground: Child Support Policies that Encourage Legitimate Work” by Vicki Turetsky, Center for Law and Social policy (CLASP) Child Support Series March 2007, Brief No. 2.

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Florida strongly encourages shared parenting

  • “There is no such term as “custody” in the Florida Statutes nor is there a primary or secondary residential parent designation in the Florida Statutes. In Florida, both parents have “time-sharing” with their children. The court will order a time-sharing schedule that is in the best interests of the children
  • Terms that reflect the type of time-sharing schedule include “majority time-sharing” and “equal time-sharing.”
  • If both parents enjoy equal time-sharing, then child support is still calculated using the Child Support Guidelines Worksheet, which is dependent on the parties income, percentage time-sharing (only overnights are used for purposes of establishing the percentages), health insurance, and costs of daycare and uncovered medical expenses. As the payor’s percentage of time-sharing increases, the less he or she will pay in child support generally.
  • Historically, courts have favored mothers with regard to caring for children particularly with children in their “tender years.” However, Florida courts have abolished the tender years doctrine and the statutes do not favor one parent over the other based on gender.”

Source: Cordell & Cordell Law Firm.  http://cordellcordell.com/resources/florida/florida-child-custody-questions/

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Massachusetts Senate fails to pass shared parenting

A shared parenting bill passed the MA house in July 2016, but failed in the Senate. The key sentence supporting shared parenting:

“The general court finds that every child in the commonwealth has the right to a safe,          healthy and meaningful relationship with both parents, subject to the court’s                        determination of each child’s best interest, and encourages shared parental                        responsibilities.”

Do you agree that state legislatures should actively encourage shared parenting?

Should state legislatures strongly support shared parenting?
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Reduce Family Court Conflict by Reducing the Amount of Money at Issue

When there is a lot of money at issue in divorce court, parents have reason to hire lawyers and then get locked into expensive court battles. High conflict in court can be reduced by reducing unrealistically high child support orders. Massachusetts took steps in this direction in 2014.

Existing methods for calculating child support are deeply flawed because they make hypothetical allocations of income to raising children, resulting in  divorce orders more than two times the actual cost of raising children. Real families adjust their total expenditures because the children change their lifestyle, but this is ignored by child support guidelines.

All this is explained in a fun and informative youtube video by Joe Sorge at DivorceCorp:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=196XCAXfqrI&feature=youtu.be&utm_source=Mailing+Lists&utm_campaign=e56d991e78-Shocking_Facts_On_Child_Support_3_23_2016&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_b5b1488f8f-e56d991e78-165851009

Did you watch the 15 minute video on a new way of thinking about child support?

 

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Unrealistic Child Support is a Root Cause of Shootings

Unrealistic child support is a root cause of escalating violence between police and black men. Vicki Turetsky, Commissioner of the Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement says: “One third of young black men will serve time before they are 35 years old…. Many of these men are fathers—55 percent of state prisoners have children under 18….Fathers typically enter prison with a $10,000 child support debt and leave owing $20,000 or more.” P 1, Turetsky, March 2007, Policy Brief No. 2.

Walter L Scott, the black man recently shot and killed by police got behind on child support, and as a result he lost “the best job I ever had.” Then his life spiraled out of control, causing him to tussle with police before being shot in the back. Source: New York Times

Read more at http://nyti.ms/1yJelpe

When setting child support amounts, should priority by given to encouraging both parents to be actively involved with their children?

 

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Gwyneth Paltrow on divorce: “the children are our commitment.”

Gwyneth Paltrow says co-parenting with ex Chris Martin has been “hard” but that they have made their two their priority and commitment and have remained friends since their split.

The 42-year-old Oscar winner, who shares daughter Apple, 11, and Moses, 9, with the Coldplay singer, made her comments on Friday at the #BlogHer15 conference in New York, presented by SheKnows Media.

“I think, unfortunately, though we couldn’t stay in a romantic relationship, we’re very, our values are very much around the importance of family and the importance of those relationships and I’m lucky that we’re aligned in that way,” she said. “And it’s been hard, and you know, like, we’ve gone through really difficult times with it but we’ve always said these children are our priority.

“What that really means is, ‘Even though today, you hate me and you never want to see me again, like, we’re going to brunch, ’cause it’s Sunday and that’s what we’ll do!’ You know, like, ‘That’s what’s happening!'” she said. “Like, the children are our commitment.”

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Child support guidelines are 200%-400% too high

A University of California professor shows that child support guidelines are 200%-400% higher than the real cost of raising children.

The study is based on thousands of households and it compares expenditures of families with 1, 2 and 3 children with those with no children, the control group. It also studies single parent households. It compares the marginal cost of raising a child (the real out of pocket cost) to the methods used in most states: average expenditures (divide all expenditures by number in the household) and the income-expenditures (IE) shares method. Both the existing methods are deeply flawed because they make hypothetical allocations of income to raising children. Real families adjust their total expenditures because the children change their lifestyle, but this is ignored by child support guidelines.

All this is clearly explained by Joe Sorge at DivorceCorp: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=196XCAXfqrI&feature=youtu.be&utm_source=Mailing+Lists&utm_campaign=e56d991e78-Shocking_Facts_On_Child_Support_3_23_2016&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_b5b1488f8f-e56d991e78-165851009

When setting child support amounts, should priority by given to encouraging both parents to be actively involved with their children?
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Three Ways Child Support Tears Families Apart

… instead of achieving its intended objective of ensuring adequate support for children.

  • “The system creates debtors prisons because the payments are excessive for low income obligors and payments do not stop during unemployment. Excessive support orders decrease the amounts actually collected.
  • The system doesn’t acknowledge the economic realities of divorce – expenses of maintaining two households are much higher than for an intact family.
  • The system overemphasizes financial contributions while devaluing other support. Most obligors are actively involved in their children’s lives, and they incur substantial expenses related to their children.”

These points summarize an article by Attorney Joseph Cordell:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joseph-e-cordell/3-ways-the-child-support-system-rips-apart-families_b_8821130.html

 

 

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